You know as bartenders we put up with a lot, but every now and again a guest does something that you can’t even get mad about because of how ridiculous it is. This is one of those stories.
It was a normal night at the bar. The regular patrons were doing what the regular patrons do, the music was on, the t.v.’s fixed on sports, and the smell of wings and grease was in the air. A new gentleman sat down at my bar. I made my way over with a menu and fake smile. There wasn’t anything on the surface of this new guy that I detected to prepare me for what was in store. Here’s the interaction:
Bartender: Hey how ya doin? What can I get ya?
Guest: What do you have on draft?
Bartender: “blah blah blah”
Guest: I’ll have a Fat Tire.
Bartender: You got it!
(so far so good)
Bartender: Here ya go. Would you like a minute to look at the menu?
Guest: Nah, I’m good, just the beer today.
Bartender: Sounds good, let me know if you change your mind.
Guest: Thanks.
So now I just start checking on the other guests at the bar, crack a few jokes, talk a little shit to some of the regulars, and after a few minutes I notice two things. One is the fact that this new guests Fat Tire is already gone, so okay, this guy was thirsty. The second thing I noticed is he was cutting his finger nails. Let me say that again, HE WAS CUTTING HIS FINGERNAILS. I honestly was so surprised that I said to myself “So that’s fucking happening I guess”. I didn’t address this unusual behavior at first, I just asked if he cared for another beer. He in fact did, so as I’m pouring beer number two for this interesting fellow I’m having an internal conversation with myself about what to say to him in regards to his decision to groom himself while sitting at the bar.
What I wanted to say was “Hey, can I get you a new brain?”, but instead it went down like this:
Bartender: Can I get you a trashcan?
Guest: I’m sorry?
Bartender: A trashcan? Can I get you one for your fingernail clippings? ( I was actually excited to have this conversation, just to see where it went)
Guest: Ohhh, nah. I’ll just put them in this bar napkin.
Bartender: Okay. What about the ones that are shooting off your clippers and disappearing behind the bar?
Guest: Dang, did I miss a few?
Bartender: Yeah, don’t worry though, it’s to be expected I guess. Hey at least you’re not threatening me or trying to spit on me like the guy last night!
Guest: Holy shit! People are the worst aren’t they?
Bartender: Yes. Yes they are.
Overall, I wasn’t even mad about this disgusting situation just because of the fact that I completely believed he thought this was normal behavior. It was actually fascinating. I felt like he was from outer space and came down to earth to gather information and he was just trying to fit in by performing a common task performed by humans that he had seen in his alien training videos about our planet. Apparently on his planet he missed the video about tipping here on earth.
Thank you for reading! Please share some of your interesting work stories with me!
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