You should be slapped in the face for asking that question!

I know I’m in for a shitty night when the first person to walk up to the bar asks, “What’s good?” As your bartender, I can take this question a few ways. Either you’re asking me what’s “cheap,” and in that case the answer would be, “You.”  Or, you’re asking me what’s “good,” and in that case the answer is, “It depends on your likes and dislikes, now doesn’t it?”

I hope this person isn’t you:

Bartender: Hey there, what can I get ya?

Guest: What’s good?

Bartender: (inaudible sigh) What do you like?

Guest: I don’t really know…

Bartender: Are we talking beer or cocktail?

Guest: I don’t like beer.

Bartender: Well I guess we’re talking cocktails. Do you like sweet?

Guest: Kind of, but not too sweet.

Bartender: Okay, not too sweet. Are you a whiskey person?

Guest: What whiskey do you have?

Bartender: I have Jack, Jim, Jamo, Crown, Makers Mark, and Seagrams 7.

Guest: Nah, I don’t really like whiskey.

Bartender: How about vodka?

Guest: Okay, just make me something with vodka, but not too sweet.

Bartender: You got it. (34 seconds later) Here ya go!

Guest: What is it?

Bartender: It’s Orange vodka, a little fresh orange juice, soda water and a lime.

Guest: Ohhh, I’m sorry, I hate anything orange, can I just get a vodka cranberry?

Bartender: Yes.

If you’re old enough to get a drink, you’re old enough to know what you like and don’t like.  So, for the love of everything on earth, just tell your bartender what you want to drink. If you truly don’t know what’s “good” to you when it comes to alcohol, maybe you shouldn’t be consuming a substance that alters your motor skills and decision making abilities.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment, question, or tell me what’s on your mind.