Bartending really isn’t that hard of a job if you look at it with basic math. For example: Jack and coke= 1.25 ounces Jack Daniel’s whiskey, ice, fill with Coke. Done. However, if you factor in some of the human population, it gets incredibly more difficult. Let’s talk about the food menu for a minute, shall we?
Two nights ago, a gentleman sat down at the bar and asked for a food menu and a glass of water. This is the conversation with me (the bartender) that followed:
Bartender: Yo buddy, what can I get ya to drink?
Guest: Water and a menu.
Bartender: You got it.
(Five to eight minutes to look over the menu)
Bartender: Did you decide on something?
Guest: What happened to the egg rolls?
Bartender: Egg rolls?
Guest: Yeah, you used to have egg rolls on the menu.
Bartender: I don’t think I’ve ever seen egg rolls on the menu here, but it’s been about six months since the menu changed.
Guest: Well you used to have egg rolls. You’re probably new, so you don’t know.
Bartender: Actually I’ve been here a little while. Do you mean “Relleno rolls”? We had those on the last menu.
Guest: Whatever, maybe. They were delicious. Why don’t you have them anymore?
Bartender: I don’t know.
Guest: I know people ordered them. Why would you take them off if people ordered them?
Bartender: I really don’t know. One day I came in and the menu was different. The Relleno rolls were gone, but we have pizza now. Would you like to try our pizza, it’s pretty good?
Guest: I didn’t come here for pizza. I came because I REALLY like the Ra-leno rolls or whatever you call them…
Bartender: Well you haven’t “really” liked them in about six months, cause that’s how long this menu has been out.
Guest: I just don’t understand why you would take them off if people ordered them, and I know they’re not expensive to make…
Bartender: Hey man, “I” didn’t take anything off any menu anywhere. I came in one day and there was a new menu. They didn’t consult with me before changing anything, so…
Guest: Whatever. What kind of pizza do you have?
Bartender: The kind with sauce and cheese. (I didn’t really say that) We have a few different kinds here….right here on the menu…we have traditional pepperoni, a couple specialty pizzas, and you can build your own.
Guest: Can I get it by the slice?
Bartender: Sorry you can’t, it’s either a 12” or 16”, but you can always take the rest to go…
Guest: I don’t eat leftovers. This menu is awful too, why would they change it when the other menu actually had good things to eat?
Bartender: Sorry I ruined your life today. How’s the water?
Listen, all I’m saying is that it’s not your bartender’s or server’s fault that the menu at your favorite watering hole changes in a direction you don’t care for. I mean, thirty minutes before this guy walked through the door, I was cleaning vomit off the men’s room mirror. So when it comes to the “Ra-leno” rolls not being on the menu anymore, I just don’t have too much energy dedicated to a discussion of “WHY” they took them off. They’re gone man, they’re just gone.
Leave a comment and tell me what drives you crazy at work!! Thanks for reading.
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